Muchness

Living each day much muchier

Insecurity and emotional reactions

Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears.
Arthur Koestler

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When your fears aren’t justified by facts, we call that insecurity.

Except, we all experience emotions that are disproportionate to what was said or done.

It can be hard to spot too. We think we’re being realistic.

We think we see things clearly.

So, you stand up for yourself if you think you’ve been dismissed. You withdraw if you think your attention is unwanted or unrequited. You get angry because you’ve been hurt that way before.

Meanwhile, you are mystifying people utterly with your behaviour. What’s with the narky retort? Why have you gone quiet? What’s the big deal?

They haven’t got a clue.

When you let fear influence your actions, you end up creating the very thing you’re afraid of.

By pushing away, you create distance. By arcing up, you create tension.

Worse than that, you perpetuate pain by injuring yourself before anyone else has the chance. What kind of logic is that? Hurting yourself IS NOT better than being hurt by someone else.

Give that person the benefit of doubt until they prove themselves.

Whatever you feel, act with integrity and courage.

You are never the fool for loving.

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3 comments on “Insecurity and emotional reactions

  1. M
    March 3, 2014

    Good post.

    I was at the point about a month ago of pushing people away and doing the old “cleanup” of friends in FB that would have probably included yourself and many others — all in the name of creating distance.

    Unfortunately, sometimes the creation of distance seems to be the better option than speaking ones mind. Sometimes, freedom of thought and expression really isn’t all that free as it can cause hurt in those who deserve it least.

    I say that the mental change may be required because you can see in yourself that you’re not being much of a friend to others and it seems easier to leave the bridges burned than to mend them. A chemical imbalance in the body certainly doesn’t help this situation either. It just depends if you can see the signs before the situation becomes critical.

    It can be tough to conquer the inner fears and just keep retreating within – but it certainly makes for a better life when you do.

    • livingwithmuchness
      March 4, 2014

      It’s a tough balance. I mean, Facebook keeps us connected to people we’d naturally fall out of touch with over time if it didn’t exist. I may not chat with all my friends all the time but it’s nice to keep up what they’re doing. It’s the nature of social connections now. It’s worth bearing in mind that Facebook isn’t necessarily the forum for saying everything you want to say.

      People like you and I tend to over-think things too. It’s our inner fears that make us do that.

      Sometimes you just gotta breathe and let it be. Let it show itself. Let it be whatever it is.

  2. M
    March 3, 2014

    Uh… that was meant to be a generic “…you can see in yourself that you’re not being much of a friend…” — not something directed at you, of course (just in case it was taken the wrong way).

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This entry was posted on February 27, 2014 by in Relationships, Self awareness and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .
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