Monsters are real
Image by Rhiannon Haworth
Monsters are real and they live in your head. Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. “In your head” is as real a place as any.
You might well say the wind isn’t real for being invisible, but of course, it’s well documented. You see its impact everywhere. You can measure and harness it.
So it is with monsters.
There are long, thin ones that curl around your thoughts like smoke. They breathe into the empty spaces, their dark, sinuous particles swirling and blocking out the light. Their favourite food is past sadness and forgotten things.
There are angry, bullish ones that fill up your mind with roaring and go around knocking everything over and making a right, f*ed up mess. Their favourite food is wants, needs and entitlements.
There are lots of tiny, nasty ones with pointy teeth that live under the bed and scuttle around when you’re not looking. They like to change things, twist them up a little, so you barely notice. They make innocent things seem totally wrong. Their favourite food is loved-one words. Oh… and they LOVE text messages.
I don’t think you can ever get rid of monsters. They’re symbiotic and a part of you. They’re always with you. Even the healthiest, happiest, got-their-life-together person has them. Sometimes those people have the scariest monsters of all.
Don’t be afraid of your monsters and most of all, don’t despair.
You can get to know them. Learn their names, their habitat and the sound of their voices. Say hello to them when you see them and be patient. They want the best for you, but they’re misguided. Make them a cup of tea and say ‘uh huh, yes I remember that, but this is not the same thing and I have a choice.’
Tell important people (only very special ones) that you’re befriending your monsters. You can’t excuse your behaviour by saying ‘these are my monsters’. Like terrible, cyclonic winds, your monsters can devastate others as well as yourself—if you let them—so be careful.
You can, however, let people know that your monsters are being very loud and annoying right now and you need a moment to calm them down. Important people will be patient and in return, you get to know and be patient with their monsters.
Try not to let them join forces with yours. The last thing anyone needs is an army of monsters on the loose.
Sit still. Breathe. Wait. Don’t try to out-think or destroy your monsters.
Hold out a peace offering and be well.
“Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?”
Clarice Lispector
Muchness 
“You didn’t draw a freak. You drew a man; with a freak on his back. There is nothing wrong with you.” – Will Graham (‘Hannibal’).
Monsters existed once, under my bed.
Now they’re in my head.
Or so they said.
I tell myself they’re setting a narrative
But often it feels collaborative.
They’re feeding.
Food for thought exists in vice versa
Each mental pause, like a flashing cursor
Tapping its foot, impatiently.
They’re hungry.
I listen. I hear them: rabid; enraged
I let them breathe but I keep them encaged
I refuse to let them get to the best of me
I will not let them set my identity
Yes, they’re a part but they’re not my whole.
Limit not my potential, weaken not my goal.
But come with me, monsters, I give you consent.
Just know that not one of you can stop my ascent.
Did you really write a response in rap? That is … beyond awesome 😀
I have to agree with Breadmaker’s reply. I’m not a fan of rap but to be able to do that off the cuff is something special.
Of course, being that I said I don’t like rap, I still remember the (blasphemous) JC Rap that I learned from a bloke I knew about 25 years ago. It’s good for upsetting the born-agains.
As for monsters… The last couple of paragraphs say the most. Sometimes my own monsters get loud (louder than usual) and I often wonder why I have some very strange people for friends (not thinking of you when I write this…. Honest Injun 🙂 )
When you recognise your own monsters, I think you tend to be a little more appreciative when other people have theirs 🙂
Breadmaker? Haha. Actually, I recently baked the first loaf I’ve managed in well over a year.
I wondered if you would see that. I didn’t know if you published your name or not so I looked at your profile and that is what stood out 🙂
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