Living each day much muchier
Single ladies, we are not Damsels in Distress… we are Divas that Impress!
If you suppressed a hiccup of hot bile on reading that – you’re not alone. I’m convinced women would be less mental about their relationship status if they didn’t face these kinds of platitudes.
On one side we have plenty of fish in the sea and on the other, pure bravado. Neither feels real. Neither has any authenticity.
Platitudes are not wisdom. They’re emotional junk food.
Maybe I’m better off waiting for someone worth my time. Maybe I’m a great catch and they’re all idiots for passing me by. Maybe I’m lucky to be single because I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want.
It all sounds so awkward and horribly pacifying.
So, what SHOULD you say to a single person when they discuss their love life?
The answer is nothing. Nothing in particular anyway. Discuss the topic at hand without feeling like you have to assure them.
Most of the time, they talk about it because it’s part of their day, not because they’re looking for answers.
If they do get mopey, don’t be an enabler. Finding love is important but it’s not everything. Let them know they’re getting myopic. Suggest something to take their mind off it.
Break the platitude cycle and let’s be real with each other!
Nice one Laura! Hear Hear – Danielle Poulos
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
We all dislike gushy platitudes but I think I hate the strong woman ones just as much.
Excellent post. Truth is something that is seriously lacking in society.
I have to admit that I have been guilty of trying to say stuff to make someone feel better about themselves but I will qualify it in saying that I’ve never blown smoke up their arse and always been genuine in what I said. Of course, one thing you may have missed is that sometimes, the positive things said to you may be said by someone who is interested in you but is too shy or fearful of rejection.
I agree with the statement that it is awkward and horribly pacifying – especially when you have been single for many, many years and someone says something that your brain immediately tags it as complete bullshit but you don’t want to say that to them because you know that they are trying to help a friend.
Interestingly enough – in my own past when speaking about being single, a Dutch mate was the one who gave me the best help. He would say, “Shut up – I don’t give a shit” and “You’re too old to look like a slob – tidy yourself up.”
Of course, now of that applies to you but the shocking truth certain does help 🙂
So – what *do* you say to someone who speaks of their love life?
It’s really a judgement call at the time because some people are relentless and their worst enemy when it comes to it and others are opening up on something that is clearly very important to them.
Now…. For you – no more platitudes or BS and I shall stick to giving absolutely brilliant advice that is actually useless and should never be taken by anyone while being unable to use it myself — but only when you ask for it (and we know that isn’t going to happen anytime soon 🙂 )
Does something become truer if you believe it? I’m sure you mean everything you say and mostly, so do platitude people.
Kind words from an interested party? Theoretically possible, but not in this instance. Single with potential suitors is generally quite pleasant. Single with no suitors is when platitudes start tumbling about.
Suddenly you’re talking through a field of well-meaning land mines.
There’s positive honesty like;
“Maybe you should consider Internet dating. You need to put yourself in the path of love.”
Then there’s negative honesty like;
“Don’t be so picky.”
But yes please, no more BS.
Single with no suitors (in your case) or potentials (as I called them in mine) is very much so when the platitudes start. I think people started to avoid me in those times when they would say those lines that they thought would help and my response was along the lines of “please, don’t…. it doesn’t help…. not at all – not ever….”
I used to have this thing where there would be no “potentials”* on the horizon and then there would be two or three – and I ALWAYS managed to direct my energies in the wrong direction (either that or my personality took over and they wised up and got away before it became too late 🙂 )
* potentials. I mean this in the sense of someone that could potentially be a partner. Never intended in the sense of short-term engagements or anything negative like that.
I disagree with the “positive honesty” as telling me the bleeding obvious really didn’t help. Funny thing though is that, in the end, many believed that I went to dancing to pick up (like many others). Not so. I went to learn to dance and enjoyed my time with women there and went home happily alone.
At that stage, I was way past wanting anyone in my life. I had cats 🙂